What I can't Have
by MrRyAmbrose
Summary: Don't you just hate it when you want something you can't have? Well Meredith does! Starts with T at most... but M for later.  i don't own characters, songs, shows or films. But plot and storyline are my own


**DISCLAIMERS; I do NOT own anything :( **

**All mistakes are mine :)**

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><p>Meredith Grey sat on a stool in Joe's after the long day she had had, she need a strong drink. She didn't drink to much, to often, but tonight she was willing to make an acception. She'd had to be on Addison's service only days after Derek had decided that going back to his wife was the right thing to do. Everyone had tip-toed around her all day and it was driving her in-fucking-sane. Christina was the only one who was acting normal. What was more annoying that everyone just assumed that it was Derek she was upset about. Only Christina knew the truth. Only Christina knew that she couldn't care less about Derek. It was Addison she cared about, as crazy as it seemed, their was something abouth the beautiful red head that Meredith hooked from day one. She knew that it was never going to happen, and honestly she wasn't sure she wanted it to happen, but she still knew she likes Addison, more then most people and more then she'd ever liked Derek. But she knew she could never tell Addison she knew; she could never tell anyone else.<p>

She knew that getting drunk and sleeping with random guys wasn't the answer but she'd come to realise that it meant that for a few hours or so, it meant she could forget about Addison, well at least until the morning; when she felt a million times worse. So when she noticed the mildly attrative young man at the end of the bar looking at her in a seductive mannor, she knew that she had two options - sleep with yet anyother random guy or get a grip of life and leave. She downed the remainder of her vodka-tonic and made her way out the door alone. As she pushed open the door, she crashed right into the two people she most certainly did NOT want to see right now. Addison and Derek. The thought she might just have interputted a romantic moment made her sick; but they didn't even seem to notice her, as they continued to... fight?

"Oh come on Derek we both know why you came back to me really!" Addison shouted at the small surgeon who was stood in front of her.

"Well we would NEVER of split up if you hadn't slept with that bitch, Naomi!" Derek screamed back, they were the only ones in the street, so it wasn't so bad that they were shouting. "I mean, Mark I could forgive; I'd been absent and everything. And well he was a DUDE! But then sleeping with our best friend. Our FEMALE friend! That was too far!" Derek continued to yell at his redheaded wife. Meredith couldn't believe what she was hearing Addison had slept with a women! She must of gasped outloud as suddently the Shepard couple turned to look at her.

"I'm sorry... I-I was just coming out of the bar. I didn't mean to over hear anything," Meredith said as she moved past them and made her way down the street. She heard the bar door open and slam shut and she sighed in relief that they were gone..

"Meredith?" a voice came, but not just any voice. A voice she would know anywhere. Reluctently she stopped and turned towards Addison. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. We try and act like everything is okay, but it's just not," Addison explains, with tears coming to eyes. Meredith knows it's not here place to get involved but she hates to see Addison upset.

"Would you like to come back to mine, for some coffee.. or something stronger?" Meredith asked before she could stop herself. She was suddenly nervous, she wanted to spend time with Addison. But she didn't want to spend that time talking about Derek.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Addison replied pulling Meredith out of her thoughts.

**GREYSGREYSGREYS**

"Make yourself at home, I will be back in a moment with coffee for two." Meredith said, motioning towards the living room as she made her way towards the kitchen. She knew all of her house mates were working the nightshift and Christina was staying with Burke tonight. Opening the kitchen door she rushes over to the sink and splashes water on her face. Shaking her nerves off, Meredith flips the kettle on and makes the coffee.

Carefully carrying the two cups back into the living room, she can't help but giggle at the sight of the beautiful redhead, laying back on the sofa, shoes off. With a book in her hand; correction Meredith's book in her hand. Totally lost in her own little world, Addison clearly hadn't noticed that Meredith had walked back into the room. Meredith just stood watching her friend? with a big smile on her face. After a few moments she leans forward and places a cup in front of Addison. This seemed to shock Addison back into reality as she jumped hearing a noise near her.

"Oh I'm sorry. I saw the book on the table and I've wanted to read it for so long," Addison admits sheepishly. "Is it yours?" she asks, sitting back up normally.

"Yep. It's really good. I've read it so you can borrow it if you want," Meredith replies sitting in her own seat. "So I want to help you. So talk," Meredith said. She knew she didn't want to listen to Addison talk about Derek, and their relationship, but she wanted Addison to feel better.

"I don't know what to say; it would be weird talking to you about Derek. I mean you must still have feelings for him?" It wasn't really a question more a statement, Metedith knew that but she need to set the record straight - well kinda.

"No I don't. And honestly I don't know if I ever did. I think I've just been in a bit of denial," Meredith admitted keeping her eyes locked with Addison's. She expected some kind of reaction but instead she just noticed that Addison looked confused as to what she meant. "I'm gay Addison. But I hadn't really told anyone here other than Christina and I guess I was scared of people's reactions," Meredith said watching closely for Addison's reactions.

"Well you shouldn't hide who you are. I like you," Addison said smiling softly at Metedith.

The night continued with normal conversation, before Addison passed out on the sofa. Well if they couldn't be lovers, they could be friends... couldn't they?

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><p>So this is going to turn into a story...well if people want it too... So thoughts guys? x<p> 


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